Day Four - February 4, 2008

I want a cigarette.

There's no bones about it anymore. I want one and I want one now.

I'm trying not to put on my patch because I won't be wearing it for very long today while I'm out and about, but I might need to.

I just want one smoke. Just one. This is the hardest point I've come to. Everyone says to wait out the cravings and they'll go away. This one isn't. It's really, really bad.

I hope to stay strong, but I worry I won't. More to come later.

UPDATE 11:35 P.M.

No, I didn't smoke - but I didn't trust myself enough either to go without the patch today, so I put it on.

I have a migraine, but otherwise I made it. Deep breaths. It's nice to know I will make it to 96 hours. Kind of scary though too.

I'm nervous about school tomorrow - and am hoping the rain continues so there are fewer smokers outside at York, but I think it is a challenge I am ready for. What better way to celebrate Day 5 of being smoke free than facing temptation right in the face? Oh yeah, smoking would be.

Day Three - February 3, 2008

I'm feeling a bit better. I felt sick after I put on the patch this morning, but I knew it would get better.

I can't believe it's going to be 72 hours soon. I can't believe I've made it this far. I don't even really miss it anymore.

I think picking a time when I'm not at school has helped. 1) I don't have the stress and 2) I'm not working my way around tonnes of smokers to get where I want to go. I know Tuesday will be a challenge for me, but I do believe I can do it.

I thought about buying a pack on the way home today, just to have around for really bad cravings. It seriously crossed my mind. So much so that I didn't pick up the orange juice I needed for fear I would buy a pack of cigarettes with it.

I had trouble sleeping again tonight. I don't know if that's because of the quitting smoking, but I finally had enough of the tossing and turning and took some medication that makes me drowsy. Hoping this does not become a habit.

Day Two - February 2, 2008

My sister decided to come visit me today, so I never got to the scrapbooking. But that's okay, she kept me from smoking.

She wanted me to come with her and go out in Waterloo tonight, but I declined. I knew that drinking and partying all night would make me want to smoke. Only being two days in, I knew I was not ready for that.

I went to a bar though to watch the hockey game. I went to one where I don't cross through the smokers outside the front door to get in or out so the smell of smoke wouldn't make me want one too badly.

The patch is really the only thing that is keeping me going. Knowing if I want a smoke I have to take the patch off for at least an hour is a big deterrent. I think it's the only thing that's keeping me clean at this point.

A friend of mine told me it was a big deal that midnight would mark the first time in three years I have not had a smoke in 48 hours. It was something to be proud of. He was right.

It is that comment that stops me from buying a pack on my way home.

Day 1 - Feb. 1 2008

I work today at 4, but otherwise, I can lay around feeling miserable.

I put on the patch as soon as I get up. I decide that while it will be hard to walk and get a coffee without having a smoke on the way, I'm going to do it.

So I do, and I make it to the Second Cup, without stopping at the convenience store for a pack of smokes.

On my way to work is where I come face to face with what used to be the love of my life for the first time. There's a woman smoking in the bus shelter (which is illegal in itself). I stand next to hear and inhale the second hand smoke deeply.

I want one, but I don't. I want to at least make it through the day. I will not let this be what takes me down.

When I get to work, I go through the front door so I do not have to cross the smokers out back. I'm not as irritable as I expected to be. I do my job just as well as I did when I smoked. This gives me hope.

We are sent home early due to the weather. I am excited because I am tired. On my way home I know I have to prepare to do something the following day - because I don't have anything else to do. I decide to buy some glue to spend my Saturday scrapbooking - I'm behind in it, and it gives my hands something to do.

Despite how tired I am, I can't fall asleep to well after three.

Last Day of Smoking - Jan. 31 2008

Wow, tomorrow is February 1. My quit date.

I didn't realize it until I noticed I needed to buy more smokes. I decide to change that to buying the patch.

Half of me wants to delay my latest attempt to quit - who's going to care if I quit Feb 1 or March 1?

But I force myself to the drugstore and I buy the patch. I smoke the rest of my cigarettes. I have my last one at midnight. It's done now. It's over.

Welcome

I have decided to quit smoking, this will be the way I get out the cravings and the setbacks I face. It's a way to keep me honest.

A bit about myself - I'm 25, I've been smoking for nearly seven years full-time but have always been a social smoker.

I started smoking when I got hit with a bad case of chronic depression, and the habit just stuck - even after I got better.

I've successfully quit once before, which lasted for about six months about three years ago.

I decided to quit now because I hate that other people probably think lower of me when they see me smoke, I hate the way it makes me smell, I just feel it's time.

Please feel free to comment, leave me feedback or let me know how you are doing if you are quitting smoking. Anything can help.